It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
