if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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