I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
