i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
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