Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
