Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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