Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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