If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
