Plan B is the new Plan A
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
