i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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