I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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