i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
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i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most