I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK