Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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