Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  My first STD was from a foam party

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  (202): My first STD was from a foam party http://tfl.nu/z9i4
  Replies (10) Good night (627) Bad night (1291)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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  (847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3
  Replies (508) Good night (86929) Bad night (8777)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.

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  (503): So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video. http://tfl.nu/od0z
  Replies (17) Good night (4810) Bad night (630)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.

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  (954): hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot. http://tfl.nu/3jpd
  Replies (22) Good night (6954) Bad night (1023)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.

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  (573): I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn. http://tfl.nu/8enu
  Replies (13) Good night (792) Bad night (3966)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong

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  (216): We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong http://tfl.nu/i4ch
  Replies (15) Good night (1394) Bad night (4294)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.

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  (917): The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof. http://tfl.nu/wunk
  Replies (3) Good night (2858) Bad night (747)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source

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  (813): literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source http://tfl.nu/0y8j
  Replies (14) Good night (988) Bad night (3497)
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  (516): View more from New York

  You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.

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  (516): You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food. http://tfl.nu/5019
  Replies (20) Good night (3393) Bad night (897)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  He's almost as awesome as vicodin.

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you

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  (978): He's almost as awesome as vicodin. (513): Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you http://tfl.nu/u3r1
  Replies (8) Good night (2404) Bad night (656)
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  (760): View more from California

  I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.

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  (760): I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional. http://tfl.nu/8oha
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (440)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?

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  (425): I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right? http://tfl.nu/i5oh
  Replies (1) Good night (1032) Bad night (300)
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  (707): View more from California

  I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha

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  (707): I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha http://tfl.nu/s6o5
  Replies (2) Good night (452) Bad night (239)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.

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  (717): I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop. http://tfl.nu/nm3k
  Replies (0) Good night (273) Bad night (455)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.

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  (503): I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today. http://tfl.nu/x4c9
  Replies (3) Good night (378) Bad night (195)

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