Don't make out with my wife yet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you