its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
