and she was petting her beer can
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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