you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
