guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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