I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
