He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
