I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wish my penis had a tongue
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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