period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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