I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
