I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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