I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
