dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize