grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
