i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
