I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
