I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
