If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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