yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
