and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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