Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
