while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Randomize
