So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
