She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
