You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
