Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
