she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
