We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We smell like vodka and hangover
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