and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
