Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
