is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
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Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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