Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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