His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
