so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
