The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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