i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
