You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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