I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
