Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
