so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
