I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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