i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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