ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
