Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
