I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize