i already hear my dad disowning me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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