I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
