Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
