i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
