I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
