i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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