dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
