I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
