I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
