physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dignity is for republicans.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
