I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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