Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
