cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize