Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
