I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just google imaged poop.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
