just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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