White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
