i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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